Good Moms

There is a quote going around on Pinterest which says, “Good moms have sticky floors, dirty ovens, and happy kids.” 

I take issue with that. 

I have clean floors.  My oven is clean (mostly).  I have clean bathrooms.  I have a clean kitchen.  My carpets are vacuumed.  Our bedrooms are clean. 

And my kids are happy.  I am a good mom.

Having happy kids does not mean I have to have a dirty house.  We work together to keep it clean.  We don’t spend all day cleaning, but we do clean everyday.

And we are all happy. 

So don’t try to make me feel guilty for having a clean house. 

Lonely

Over the last 3 years, The Teenager has been going through a lot of struggles and trials.  I have mentioned it in some degrees, but it was hard.  Harder than anyone knew.  I felt so alone through it all, and Sunday, I realized why.

When my children were little and I was struggling with them, I knew there were many other mothers I could go to for advice.  Not sleeping through the night?  Potty training struggles?  Biting?  Diarrhea and vomiting?  I knew all I had to do was ask and there would be plenty of other women who could help me.  I even became part of an email loop of other SAHM moms, and we would whine and complain to each other and we would feel so much better.

But when I was struggling with The Teenager, I couldn’t go to anyone.  His trials were personal to him, and it’s not something that you broadcast publicly.  I talked to my mom some, but I kept a lot from her as well.  I could talk to my husband, but but he didn’t have the answers, and he was gone all day (and most nights).  I couldn’t talk to my email loop moms because none of them are LDS and don’t have the same standards as us, so they wouldn’t understand what the big deal was.

I was very isolated.  And I made it worse because I withdrew.  I quit going to Relief Society activities, mainly because it was too hard to put on a happy face and pretend that everything was fine.  It was a very lonely period in my life. I would cry during the day and then put on a happy face when I was around others.  I prayed a lot, and that definitely helped, but it’s not the same. I desperately wanted someone to talk to, to cry with, to comfort me. 

But there wasn’t anyone. 

Mutual Theme for 2011

The 2011 Mutual theme is the 13th Article of Faith.

“We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men.  Indeed we may say we follow the admonition of Paul - We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things.  If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report, or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.”

Are we seeking after these things?  Or are we lowering our standards? Are we setting a good example for our children?

Growing Up

My children are growing up on me, and I can’t stop them. 

The Princess started 1st grade this year.  That means she is in school all day long.  She is loving it.  She comes home each day bursting with stories about the kids and things that have happened (I love it because the boys never tell me anything).  Her teacher said that she has a very unique quality, in that she is friendly to everyone.  Not just to her friends, but to all the kids in the class.  I am so proud of her, because that is something I have really talked to her about, and tried to teach her.  She is reading so well.  We read from the scriptures for 1/2 hour every morning, and then each child goes to their room for reading for one hour each night before bed.  Not only does it help their reading, but it gives them time to calm down and be ready for bed. 

The Chocoholic is in 6th grade.  He loves walking to school with The Princess because last year he had to walk alone.  He got a great teacher this year, and she is really going to challenge him.  I am thrilled about that.  He is an entrepreneur and loves to make money.  Right now he is selling Silly Bands before school.  He buys them at Wal-Mart where there are 12 in a package for $1.  Then he sells them for 25 cents each.  He said the kids know they can buy them cheaper at the store, but then they have a bunch that are the same.  This way, they buy just the ones they want.  He only takes one package at a time to sell and won’t open another package until the first one is gone.  It cracks me up, but he is making pretty good money!

The Artist is in 8th grade.  No longer will he be the bottom of the barrel at the junior high!  He loves art, singing, and drums.  His birthday isn’t until October, but we already gave him his birthday present.  We were treasure hunting, a.k.a. driving around looking at garage sales, when we saw a big drum set.  I got a killer deal on it, but it was too big to hide in the house.  So we had to give it to him.  He was so excited.  His voice is deep and now he is getting mistaken for his dad AND his older brother. 

The Teenager is working like mad to save money.  He has a scooter but it’s only 49.5cc and it barely goes 25 mph.  He wants to buy a motorcycle, which I am totally fine with.  Then he will start saving for a car.  He is working at an ice cream/grill shop and does dishwashing and bussing.  Yesterday he worked a double shift, so he left the house at 11:30 a.m. and didn’t get home until 12:30 a.m.  He is doing the same today and tomorrow.  This morning when he got home, I told him I wasn’t going to wake him up to read scriptures with us so he could get more sleep.  He said, “No, if I do that, the Lord won’t bless me.”  I was so proud of him.  He is going to be in 11th grade this year.  I think that sounds younger than saying he will be a Junior.  I remember being a Junior in high school.  Yikes!

I keep telling my children to stop growing up, and yet if they stop growing up, how will I ever get them to leave the house so I can be alone with The Doctor?  Because I am really looking forward to that!  I guess it’s the season of life I am at.  No more babies, just children getting older and preparing to leave the nest.  I hope I am doing a good job with them.  I don’t have much time.

My Calendar

I have seen 2 posts about calendars today.  One was about how nice and clean her calendar looks at the beginning of the month and then how full it is by the end.  Well, I thought I would post a picture of my calendar.  This is my calendar…at the beginning of this month. 

It is so full!  And every time the kids come home from school, one of them adds to it.  It is so crazy!  Wednesday nights are especially busy because all 3 boys have scouts, plus all the concerts.  It is so insane.  It’s a good thing we have 2 cars so we can split up and try to hit it all!

 

Blue Hair or The Day that I Got Offended

The following is straight out of my journal. 

September 13, 2008 Saturday

The Teenager wanted black highlights in his hair, so I did that tonight. And when we washed it out, they were blue. Blue. Darker than royal blue, but lighter than navy blue. Blue. I at first freaked out, but decided they weren’t that bad. He is trying so hard to find his place and be cool.  I should have listened to my gut.  Turns out it was the Holy Ghost trying to tell me something.

September 14, 2008 Sunday

I came very close to walking out of church today. And it scared me. Let me start at the beginning. Last night, I wanted to strip the blue out of The Teenager’s hair. But I didn’t. I didn’t listen.

Today, we got to church and The Teenager prepared the sacrament, but when he was getting ready to sit down, the Bishop told him he couldn’t pass. Not with hair like that. I got mad. And madder. And madder.

Who was he to say The Teenager couldn’t pass? The Teenager was in shock, and then embarrassed, and then mad. He came and sat down and didn’t lift his head the rest of the meeting. I was mad. I took The Princess out during one talk because she “had to go to the bathroom.” And then the Bishop stood up to give a talk. I was so close to walking out. So was The Doctor. I was furious. The Teenager is a good kid. So what if he had blue hair? Who’s it hurting?

After sacrament meeting, the Bishop called The Teenager into his office. The Doctor waited for him while I went to Primary. He came down a little while later and told me that the Bishop had said that The Teenager was still worthy, and can still prepare the sacrament, but he can’t pass. The Doctor said that if the Bishop won’t let him pass, he can’t prepare either. He won’t separate the two. I agreed.

When we got home, I was still mad. But then our home teachers came over. And I know they were inspired to say what they said. They had no knowledge of what had happened. But they taught us about the 9^th Article of Faith:

We believe all that God has revealed, all that He does now reveal, and we believe that He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the kingdom of God.

So do we really believe this? Our prophet has said that priesthood holders should dress conservatively and modestly so as not to draw attention to themselves. They are to do their priesthood duties quietly and in the background. In other words, if The Teenager has blue hair, when he passes the sacrament, everyone will be looking at his hair, and not concentrating on the sacrament.

I felt like a bomb had hit me. What had I been doing? I had been ready to leave. Not just leave church, but leave the church. I was that mad. What if I did leave? It would affect my children, their children, and on down the line. Was I ready for that responsibility?

After the home teachers left, we gathered the kids and talked about it. We told them we needed to repent. They knew we were angry, and it scares me to think about how this could have affected their lives, let alone my own. We talked about how the Bishop speaks for God, and when we disobey him, we are disobeying God. That was scary for me to think that I was defying God today. I cried about that.

The Teenager was still angry. He kept talking about how much money he has spent on hair color, but I know he is more upset because he doesn’t know who he is, who he wants to be, or how to rebel. We talked off and on throughout the night, and he just kept saying he didn’t want brown hair. That was the recurring saying all night long. I told him it doesn’t have to be brown, it just has to be a color that hair is naturally. Finally at one point, he said, “Well, can’t I have it brown with blonde highlights?” YES, YES, YES! So I will get him an appointment to get it colored.

The Doctor called the Bishop tonight to apologize, and guess what? The Bishop didn’t even know we had been mad. I had sat there in Sacrament Meeting, my jaw clenched, my arms tightly folded, ignoring him and he didn’t even notice. So who had been affected by our being mad? Not him. Just us.

It’s not the little things that will pull us down, but the simple things like blue hair. I have heard stories about how people get offended and quit coming to church, and I always thought so little of them. I never, in a million years, thought that would ever happen to me. But it did. And I feel like I passed a huge test today.

My testimony has been strengthened.

Monumental Moment Monday #3

When we finally got pregnant with baby #4, we both knew that we were done.  It didn’t matter if it was a boy or a girl, we were done.  We waited until she was born to make sure I was thinking clearly, but it didn’t change…we were done.  So The Doctor got the big “V.”

But that wasn’t the monumental moment. 

After she was born and I knew for certain that she was a girl (ultrasounds can be tricky!), I gave away all my boy clothes and toys.  Can you imagine how much room that saved me in my storage? 

And then, as The Princess grew up and out of each stage, because we were done having children, I was able to get rid of the bassinet, the swing, the car seat, the baby clothes, the crib, the baby toys, etc.  No more storing them. 

But that wasn’t the monumental moment.

The moment came the day that I was able to go around the house and remove the outlet covers.  No more pulling them out just to plug something in.  They were empty and ready to be used at any time.

That was monumental to me, not to mention much more convenient!

Parenting Music Shuffle Meme

I snagged this meme from Jean @ Working Momma 247. It’s one of those ipod shuffle memes where you shuffle for a song title to be the answer for each question. Except this one is all parenting related, which makes it cute, fun and different. I don't have an ipod shuffle, so I just used my Windows Media player. 
HOW DID YOU BECOME A MOM?
Part of Your World from The Little Mermaid soundrack. 
WHAT DID YOU THINK THE FIRST TIME YOU SAW YOUR BABY?
Mother, When I See You Smile by Janice Kapp Perry.
WHAT DID YOU DO THE FIRST MORNING AFTER A SLEEPLESS NIGHT?
Press Forward Saints from the LDS hymnbook. 
WHAT DO YOU SAY WHEN SOMEONE COLORS ON THE WALL?
The Monkey's Uncle by Annette Funicello and The Beach Boys.
HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH A TODDLER’S BODILY FLUID ISSUES?
Perpetual Emotion by The Nylons.
IF SOMEONE SAYS “Can I have a snack?” YOU SAY?
Right Here Waiting by Clay Aiken.
IF SOMEONE LEAVES THEIR STUFF ON THE FLOOR, YOU SAY?
The Scriptures Tell Me I Can Too.  Hee, hee!
IF SOMEONE ISN’T SICK TODAY, YOU SAY?
Breaking Free from High School Musical.
HOW DO YOUR KIDS ENJOY YOUR COOKING?
I Love You by Janeen Brady.
HOW DID YOUR KIDS DO IN SCHOOL TODAY?
The Oxcart from The Children's Songbook.
HOMESCHOOLERS, WHAT IS THE FIRST SUBJECT TAUGHT OF THE DAY?
Supercalifragilisticexpealidocious from Mary Poppins.
WHAT DO YOUR KIDS WANT TO BE WHEN THEY GROW UP?
Hurts So Good by John Mellancamp from the Footloose soundtrack.
WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY AS A MOM?
Oh, What Do You Do in the Summertime? from the Children's Songobook.
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE AS A MOM?
When I Go To Church from the Children's Songbook.
WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO AS A MOM?
Sabbath Prayer from Fiddler on the Roof.
HOW DID YOU KNOW YOU WERE REALLY A MOM?
Too Much Fun by The Forester Sisters.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MOST OFTEN AS A MOM?
Sleigh Ride by Billy Gilman.
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY AS A MOM?
Remember the Child by Brett Raymond.
WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET AS A MOM?
Simon Says by Janeen Brady.
WHAT IS THE BEST THING YOU’VE EVER DONE AS A MOM?
In the Hollow of Thy Hand by Janice Kapp Perry.
WHAT DO YOUR KIDS DO THAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
The Hunt from the Star Child soundtrack
WHAT DO YOUR KIDS DO THAT MAKES YOU CRY?
I Can't Go For That by Donny Osmond.
WHAT DO YOUR KIDS DO THAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
A Life So Changed from the Titanic soundtrack.
HOW DO YOUR KIDS DESCRIBE YOU AS THEIR MOM?
Tears Flowing Fast by Kenneth Cope.  LOL
IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Master and Servant by Depeche Mode.
WHAT WILL YOUR MOM OF THE YEAR CERTIFICATE SAY?
I Pledge Myself to Love the Right from The Children's Songbook.

So after doing that, I realized that I have a very pathetic song collection!  LOL  But it was fun to do!

Let's talk about bedtimes

So I have a huge long list of blog ideas I want to post about.  This one has been on the list forever, and I need to get it out so I can move past it!  It has been haunting me.  LOL
I need my sleep.  I do not function well without it.  I am mean and nasty.  Really.  Ask my kids.
So when I have a baby, I have a hard time.  I really wish it were different so I could enjoy them while they are little.  But getting up so much and being so sleep deprived is hard.
So I very much encouraged them to sleep through the night as soon as possible.  And they never slept in the room with me.  The Teenager did one night after he was born, and I didn't sleep at all because every sigh woke me up. 
I had them sleeping through the night by 3 1/2 months.  The Princess was one day shy of 2 months.  It was heavenly.  Oh, and sleeping through the night is 7 PM to 7 AM.    A full 12 hours. 
I hear moms say that at 1 year their child still doesn't sleep through the night and I just shudder.  That's not good for the child or the parents. 
Okay, so now on to bedtimes.  My kids went to bed at 7:00.  They need sleep.  Most children do.  The Artist doesn't need quite as much, so when he went to bed at 7:00, he would get up at 6:00.  But I would rather have them in bed at night so I can have my alone time and time with my hubby.
Now that they are growing up, they don't need quite as much sleep.  The Princess, age 4, still goes down at 7:00.  The Chocoholic goes to his room for reading at 7:00 and reads for an hour, then bedtime is 8:00.  The Artist has reading at 7:30 and bed at 8:30.  The Teenager has reading at 8:00 and bed at 9:00. 
We all get up at 5:45 to have family prayer before The Doctor leaves for work, and then we read scriptures from 6:00 to 6:30.  So our house is rolling pretty early.  Sometimes The Princess gets up and sometimes she doesn't.  Next year when she starts school, she will be getting up with the rest of us.
Oh, and the 3 boys have to use their alarms to get up.  I will not call them.  If they sleep in and miss family prayer, they are grounded from all video games that day and have to go to bed an hour earlier that night.  And they still have their chores and piano to do.
My mom did the same thing, and she said that people thought she was being harsh.  But she was teaching us responsibility.  She wasn't going to be there with us in college or on our missions, so we needed to learn.  And we did.  And so will my children.
And yes, it all sounds harsh.  But I  am teaching them a good thing.  And they are learning. 

Reflections

Have you heard about Reflections, the program sponsored by the PTA? This year's theme was "Wow."
Both The Artist and The Chocoholic entered several projects this year.
They each won for one of their projects on the school level.

The Chocoholic got an honorable mention for his picture of a green tomato, but won for his story, "Lightning."

The Artist won for his picture of the moon.
So both projects were sent on to the council level.

Unfortunately, The Chocoholic did not win for his story. But what a good story it was!


The Artist did win! That is his beautiful picture of the moon. It was very cool. So now he goes on to the Region level.
So here was my dilemma. I was SO proud of The Artist for winning, but I felt so bad for The Chocoholic. He was so sad that he didn't win.
So I sat there, going from child to child trying to be happy for one and consoling the other. It was a very gut wrenching evening.

It's that time of year...

...when I am freakishly busy! Argh! I can't believe how much is going on! For the last two weeks, seriously, every time my kids came home from school, one of them had something to add to my calendar. Here is what December looks like:

1 - Family Home Evening...go and see the lights on Temple Square.
2 - Wow...a gap! Nothing on the calendar!
3 - My boys received awards at the Reflections contest, so I went to that assembly. Then that night was dance practice for The Princess.
4 - The Chocoholic's birthday, The Teenager had to be at an elementary school at 8 am for a concert tour. I had to be at the school at 2:00 to pick up cookie dough, scouts for one boy at 6:00, combined activity for the other two at 6:30, pick up the first boy at 7:00.
5 - The Chocoholic's birthday party from 3:30-5:00, and the ward dinner at 6:00.
6 - Start working on neighbor/coworker/friend gifts. 4:00 my work party.
7 - Tithing settlement at 10:00, 2 boys and dh fast offerings at 11:00, church from 1-4, dinner at Mom's at 5:30.
8 - Dress rehearsal for The Princess. Supposed to be from 6:30 - 7:00 for her class, we were there until 7:30.
9 - Dress rehearsal again. Supposed to be from 5:30-6:00, we were there until 7:30 again.
10 - The Teenager had to be at his school at 5:00. 6:00 was pack meeting, leave early at 6:30 and rush over to the school to be late for concert. Come home for 45 minutes, leave again for second concert for The Teenager, finish at 8:30, head over to the high school for The Princess' dance (The Nutcracker). Stupid dance. Doesn't finish until 10:15, don't get my 4 year old into bed until 10:45 (along with all the other kids).
11 - Make the executive decision to skip the dance tonight. Huge weight off my shoulders. At 10:00 have to meet with Primary President to go over music for next year. 6:00 Enrichment Night, which I can now go to!
12 - Take The Princess to Grandma's at 4:00 for sleepover, The Doctor teaches tonight, I think I might go to bed early.
13 - Finish neighbor/coworker/friend gifts.
14 - church
15 - The Princess has a birthday party.
16 - Preschool program in morning, Stamp group party that night.
17 - Band concert
18 - Scouts/Mutual
19 - My birthday, 3 boys sleepover at Grandma's

From here on, my calendar is clear. But on top of everything going on, I am crazy busy at work doing engagement letters and huge projects, plus trying to get some Christmas presents made.

I am going to need a nap soon!

Parenting

You HAVE to go read this post:

Revelations

It changed my life. It changed how I look at my children. It changed how I look at myself.