Crystal Light

I am trying to drink more water and eat fewer sweets.  But it’s hard.  I am sure you all remember my experiment with doing the 40-day sugar fast!  So I have found an easy way to get them both without all the calories.

Crystal Light.

I buy the tubs, which, if you follow the directions, make 2 quarts.  However, that is too strong for me.  So instead of adding 2 quarts of water, I add a gallon of water.  This dilutes by half, which is perfect and tastes so much better to me.  This has really helped me drink more water.

There are so many flavors to choose from.  We have found that the cranberry flavors are too tart, though.  Our favorite is grape.  I didn’t want to try it because I am not a big fan of grape juice.  But it’s the flavor of grape soda!  It is so yummy!  I also like the orange, apple, and raspberry lemonade. 

Why?

Last night I watched “The Biggest Loser” and was so inspired.  They have all worked so hard and look so amazing.

I have been working out in the mornings, and I am really proud of myself for how hard I have been working.  I felt really good after this morning’s workout.

And then at 10:00 I cooked up a pound of sausage links and at them.  All of them.  By myself.  And then ate a spoonful of peanut butter.  And then sat down and cried.

Why do I do this to myself?  I know better. 

As I stood in front of the freezer and stared at the sausage, I told myself that I didn’t want them.  And then as I pulled them out and opened them, I told myself that they were bad for me.  And as I cooked them, I told myself that I shouldn’t eat them.  And then, as I was eating them, I told myself what a horrible person I was and how stupid I was and weak.  And when I finished eating the sausages, I felt so awful, that I needed a spoonful of peanut butter to help sooth the hurt. 

But it didn’t work.  Instead, I felt worse.

Why can’t I stop eating?  Why do I do it to myself, when I know how I am going to feel afterward?  I know it’s bad, and yet I can’t stop.  I feel so helpless. 

I want to lose more weight.  I know how to do it, and yet I keep sabotaging myself.  Why? 

I’m going to go find some chocolate.

40 days is a long, long time...

...but I did it!

40 days without sugar.

I honestly had no idea how hard it would be. I was talking to my mom, and she asked me why I was still doing it if it was so hard. I replied that I wanted to do it for myself. I don't have much willpower, and for me to be able to say that I did it feels really good.

I mean, I had all the sugar still in the house, we just bagged it up and put it under my bed. I even had some in my purse. So I knew where it was. And I could have easily eaten some and not told anyone.

But I didn't.

And that feels really, really good.

Why?

I am a picky eater. There are many foods that I do not like.

But I LOVE shrimp and crab. Love them. Love, love, love.

Last month, The Doctor and I went to Sizzler and I had the steak and shrimp. About 15 minutes after eating the shrimp, my tongue felt all rough and swollen and my ears were itching. I took an antihistamine and it went away. So we figured that I was allergic to something in the breading because I eat shrimp all the time and have never had a problem.

A week later, I discovered a bag of shrimp in the freezer. So we were eating it and my tongue started feeling all rough and swollen and my ears were itching. I started eating as fast as I could because I knew this would be the last time I could ever eat shrimp again.

Yes, I am allergic to shrimp. I was, and still am, so upset. Why couldn't I be allergic to salsa (which I hate) or pickles?

So I have had a gift card to Red Lobster, which is my favorite place to eat in the whole world. So we went there Friday night for dinner. I knew that I couldn't have shrimp, which really limited down my choices. I decided to splurge and get the king crab legs. I always get the snow crab, so I thought it would be cool to upgrade.

Well, about halfway through eating them, my tongue started swelling and my ears were itching. I was ticked. I sent The Doctor out to the car to get my antihistamine and I was eating as fast as I could. By the time we left, I was feeling better, but I was crying. I knew that was the last time I would be able to eat at Red Lobster.

Why? I love it so much, why? It's not fair.