Dear Tech Support: Husband 1.0 Not Working

Dear Tech Support,

Last year, I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications (which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0).
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.  Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.  I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.  What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate
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Dear Desperate,
First, keep in mind Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: “ithoughtyoulovedme.exe” and try to download Tears 6.2 (and don’t forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update).  If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the  application Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.  But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5,  Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1 status. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Pot Belly Beta. 
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (It runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)  Also, do not attempt to reinstall Boyfriend 5.0 program.  These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. 
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.  You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7
Good Luck,
Tech Support