I remember when the teenager (The Teenager) was about 2 months old. It was the middle of the night and he wouldn't go to sleep. I was so tired and he was crying and nothing I did helped. I put him in his crib and went into the bathroom, turned on the bathtub so I couldn't hear him, and I just cried and cried and cried because I knew if I went back in to him, I would hurt him. I understood then how mother's could abuse their children. But I thought I was such a horrible mother. How could I feel that way? I was born and raised in the gospel. I wasn't supposed to have these kinds of feelings.
But you know what? After 16 years, I have learned that I am not alone. And neither are you. We are human. We all have times of frustration. It's how we handle that frustration that sets us apart. I am very proud of myself for not going in and hurting the teenager (The Teenager).
So, you are probably saying to yourself..."Big whoop. What does this have to do with Oprah?"
Well, I became a spanker...big time...to the point that it wasn't just spanking anymore. And it scared me. A lot.
So one day I was on
Oprah's website, you know the part where they have all the topics they are working on and if you can relate to anything, you write in your story. So I did and they called me and a week later I was in Chicago with the teenager (The Teenager). It was crazy.
Remember how I have talked about not judging each other. I am going to fight that to the day I die, mainly because it is one of my biggest weaknesses.
But when I was getting ready to leave for Chicago, I picked up the chocoholic (The Chocoholic) from preschool and told his preschool teacher that I was going and why, and you know what she said?
"Oh, you don't spank, do you?"
Ouch. Stab a knife in my heart. So there was guilt from going on the show, and I hadn't even left yet! I had so many nice comments from being on it, though.
I talked to one woman who never had children because she grew up in an abusive home and didn't think she could be strong enough to break the cycle. And you know what? That's okay.
I talked to another woman who is strong in the gospel and a good "Mormon," yet she was struggling with abusing her children. She said that because of my story, she was going to get help. That made me cry.
So if people judge me and think bad of me, bring it on. Because if my story helped just one other person (besides me), then it was all worth it.
When I left Chicago and came home, I promised the doctor that I wouldn't spank anymore. And the chocoholic (The Chocoholic) tested me the very next day. I walked into his room to find him standing on his dresser in his underwear ready to jump off. I picked him up and took him into the kitchen and put him down in front of the doctor (The Doctor) and said, "You spank him because I promised I wouldn't!" LOL
Anyway, I have an entire scrapbook dedicated to my trip to the Oprah show. I would love to let you look at it. And I am proud to say that I don't spank anymore. the princess' (The Princess') life has been very different than my boys. And that is a good thing.
**editing note...I put their names in capitals in parentheses because of a comment received on my names posting. It was confusing, so I am trying to fix it. Someday I will get this all right!