Lonely

Over the last 3 years, The Teenager has been going through a lot of struggles and trials.  I have mentioned it in some degrees, but it was hard.  Harder than anyone knew.  I felt so alone through it all, and Sunday, I realized why.

When my children were little and I was struggling with them, I knew there were many other mothers I could go to for advice.  Not sleeping through the night?  Potty training struggles?  Biting?  Diarrhea and vomiting?  I knew all I had to do was ask and there would be plenty of other women who could help me.  I even became part of an email loop of other SAHM moms, and we would whine and complain to each other and we would feel so much better.

But when I was struggling with The Teenager, I couldn’t go to anyone.  His trials were personal to him, and it’s not something that you broadcast publicly.  I talked to my mom some, but I kept a lot from her as well.  I could talk to my husband, but but he didn’t have the answers, and he was gone all day (and most nights).  I couldn’t talk to my email loop moms because none of them are LDS and don’t have the same standards as us, so they wouldn’t understand what the big deal was.

I was very isolated.  And I made it worse because I withdrew.  I quit going to Relief Society activities, mainly because it was too hard to put on a happy face and pretend that everything was fine.  It was a very lonely period in my life. I would cry during the day and then put on a happy face when I was around others.  I prayed a lot, and that definitely helped, but it’s not the same. I desperately wanted someone to talk to, to cry with, to comfort me. 

But there wasn’t anyone.