When my kids were little, life sometimes got overwhelming. I am sure you all can relate. We all can. We are not perfect. We all have faults and trials.
There were days that I just couldn’t take it anymore. I would get angry and upset and my poor dear hubby would get the brunt of it. When it would get really bad, I would run away.
I never had the money to run away somewhere fun. Most times I would walk. Usually to the elementary school, where I would just sit and think. Sometimes I would drive. Out to where there was little traffic, so I could drive and think. Once I went and bought a book and sat in the parking lot and read for 3 hours. And thought.
I usually thought about what a horrible mother I was and how much better off my kids and hubby would be without me. I was so hard on myself.
I never stayed away for long. I think the 3 hours in the parking lot was the longest. I always went back. Reluctantly. I think 3 days would have been better. But I couldn’t do that. So I went home and went back to real life.
I’m not sharing this so you can feel sorry for me. I am sharing this so you can know you are not alone. I used to feel that I was the only one that felt this way. I was supposed to be the perfect mother. It was what I had always wanted, so why did I feel so awful?
It took me years to discover that most moms struggle with these same feelings. I wish I had known that. It would have made life much easier. We need to talk more as mothers. Share our faults and struggles so others can learn from them.
So if you are ever doubting yourself as a wife, a mother, or even just as a woman, call someone. Call me. Call anyone. Just talk about it and discover how “normal” you are.
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3 comments :
Yes, I can relate. When we lived in Kearns I used to go and walk around the park. One time Kimball was babysitting and I guess he was really frustrated with the kids. Kate said he got so mad he had to go take a walk around the park. I guess he learned that from me, but getting away is a better coping skill than hurting someone, which is what I felt like doing at times!
I found early on that if Rachel was crying out of control that it was better to put her in her crib and take a time out than to push myself. I never want to do anything that I would regret. I can only imagine what it is like to take care of multiple kids.
Thanks for coming to visit me and leaving a comment! I appreciate your honesty and openness. So many times, I read such a censored version of a mommy's life that I feel like a failure in my honesty. It's amazing to me that you wrote this just two days before I had my moment. What a wonderful reassurance to read after a hard day! Thanks for keeping your experience relatable.
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