If Satan can't get you to be bad, he'll make you busy.
A few months ago, I was feeling horrible. I was struggling with multiple things that were weighing me down and I wasn’t handling them well. I am sure you could all tell by the tone of my blog. I know my mom and sisters’ did.
One morning, the kids had all gone to school and I hopped in the shower. As the warm (okay, scalding hot) water rushed over me, my tears were released and I bawled and bawled. The shower is a great place for that because you don’t need a tissue!
Anyway, I was sobbing and mourning over some choices that my son was making. How was I supposed to go on with my life when I felt like such a total and complete failure as a mother? My child was choosing a path that was not right. What if I had just held him a little tighter, or a little longer as a baby? What if I had smiled more and yelled less? What if I had played more and cleaned less? What if.
As I stood there and cried, I asked my Heavenly Father how He could sit back and watch this happen to my child. And then I had a revelation.
It was His son that was causing all this heartbreak. His son doing this to my son. His son putting the garbage out into the world and tempting all of His other children, trying to get them to fail. How many nights has He cried over His son rebelling and causing so much pain?
That really helped me to realize that I am NOT a bad mom. I don’t look at Heavenly Father and think he is a bad father. He lost 1/3 of children to rebellion. He completely understands the pain and grief that I was feeling. But I just have to keep trying. I can’t give up.
And I didn’t give up. Things have gotten so much better since that day. My son is back on the right path, making choices that are in line with his upbringing and testimony. It hasn’t been easy. He has struggled and had set backs. But he is going to be okay. He is even fun to be around again.
I still struggle with feelings of inadequacy, but I just have to do the best that I can. And I know that my Heavenly Father will be with me. Because He loves me. Of that, I am positive. He love me, and He loves my children. And I love my children so very much.
It is hard being the mom of teenagers. They think they are so grown up and want to make their own decisions. And they should. But it’s hard to watch them make bad decisions. I know it’s part of Heavenly Father’s plan that we each get to make our own choices. I know that I wouldn’t want to be forced to do things that I don’t want to do, even if they are righteous things. But it’s still hard to have to sit back and not have any control. All I can I do is pray and talk to them and give them my opinion and hope they make the right choices.
It sounds easy, but it’s not. I have been stressing about my kids for quite a while. And last night, I realized that I have been living in fear. I have been fearing the decisions they will possibly make instead of having faith that Heavenly Father will watch over them and take care of them.
And He will. He will not take away their agency. He will let them make their own choices. But He will always be there when they need Him. He will not desert them. They just have to ask. And I have to have faith that things will work okay.
They might make choices that take them down the wrong path. I don’t have control over that. But I have control over what I teach them. I will continue to hold Family Home Evening. I will continue to have family prayer. I will continue to have family scripture study. I will continue to take them to church. I will do everything that my Heavenly Father has told me to do to teach them and show them the right way.
Child: Teach me to walk in the light of His love;
Teach me to pray to my Father above;
Teach me to know of the things that are right;
Teach me, teach me, to walk in the light.
Parent: Come, little child, and together we’ll learn
Of His commandments, that we may return
Home to His presence, to live in His sight.
Always, always to walk in the light.
Both: Father in Heaven, we thank thee this day
For loving guidance to show us the way.
Grateful, we praise thee with songs of delight!
Gladly, gladly we’ll walk in the light.
I will have faith. And I will pray. A lot.
This is what happens when you try to use a ball to get a ball to get a ball to get a ball that is stuck in tree.
Success is the sum of small efforts repeated day in and day out.
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